So now, the reason... after the war in Âu Lạc (Vietnam), many millions of people tried to escape by different routes, especially by sea. And many died, and then, even if they didn’t die, sometimes they were raped and robbed. Like, the pirates just tore the earrings from their ears and left their ears broken and bleeding. (Wow.) Or took jewelry from their hands and broke their wrists, for example.
The thing is, I was so upset with this man. He was very kind, and he treated me so nicely and gentlemanly, but it’s just that his first question was, “Where do you come from?” That put me off. It put me off.
He was driving his car, and I was sitting next to him. I felt the space become too small. I wanted to escape. I felt very, very upset. So, I talked in a very loud voice to him. Later, I apologized and all that. But I said, “I don’t think I’m ready for anything. I’m very sorry. You’re a very nice guy. And I shouldn’t have talked to you in such a voice like that. But I answered that question many thousands or million of times already. And I just thought I needed a break.”
Number one: There’s something inside me that didn’t like to say that I came from Âu Lạc (Vietnam), that I am from Âu Lạc (Vietnam). Because after the war, millions of refugees escaped from Âu Lạc (Vietnam), went on these rickety, very rotten boats, and died or were raped and robbed at sea, by many different pirates. (Oh. Oh my God.)
“Excerpt from the documentary ‘Return to Hell Island’, Reporter (f): Lydia also met a lady who left together with her, but on different boats.
Lydia (f): I didn’t know anything, so I said, ‘Man, we were so unlucky, because we got robbed like three times,’ and blah, blah, blah… And I was complaining. Then she said, ‘That was it?’ And I said, ‘Yes. So, how was your journey?’ And she said, ‘We got robbed eight times – robbed eight times and raped eight times.’ And I said, ‘What?’ So that was the time that I realized the danger there.”
Rumor had it that these pirates were allowed especially from this and that government in order to scare the refugees, so that they didn’t keep coming out anymore and making problems for their country. Of course, they suddenly came in, so many hundreds of thousands… they don’t have enough infrastructure so quickly, in such Asian countries. (Yes, Master.) And in Hong Kong, suddenly they had some place to stay, but not every country at that time was rich, like Hong Kong, or so ready immediately like that.
The Philippines also, at that time it was still President Marcos or at least the First Lady Madam Imelda Marcos. After I met her, she said to me that she was the one who told the UN that her country will be ready to accept and to help the refugees, and she was the one who also tried… personally instructed, this and that area to build quick, simple shelters for the refugees.
“Supreme Master Ching Hai (vegan) meets with former First Lady of the Philippines, the Honorable Imelda Marcos - Nov. 24, 2006: She’s the one who opened the Philippine door for you. She’s the first one, ever. (The Bataan refugee camp…) She built it in 20 days for 20,000 people. (Twenty thousand.) Twenty days. (Day and night work.) Yes. (Because the Vietnamese were coming in boats) Yes. (and we were so scared because of the typhoon,) Yes. (the sharks, and the bad elements.) So they have to rush. She rushed them to build it in 20 days – the Bataan refugee camp. Not many people know about this.
Please tell us more. Please tell us. We want everybody to know. (Well, it so happened that I remembered Ambassador [Richard] Murphy and also the United Nations officials came one day to me and it was so desperate because the people from Vietnam, especially South Vietnam, were getting out because there was so much violence, so much fighting, and so much) They were traumatized. (killing. And so, they were coming in boats. And, with hardly anything with them. So what I did was when I heard this and I said, ‘OK, we will welcome them here. We will welcome them here.’ And I asked, ‘How many of them are in the first batch?’ and then they said, ‘Maybe a thousand.’ And then, ‘Maybe 2,000.’ And so forth. So, I was rushing and rushing for the refugee camp. And I’m so glad that I was able to fit in everybody, but we were able to put in the refugee camp for a thousand. So, I’m so happy that I had the honor and the privilege to be able to welcome fellow human beings.) You’re compassionate. You are compassionate.”
That’s why I was very grateful to her – I gave her all the jewelry that I designed and had brought with me at that time. (Oh.) Everywhere I went, they just brought a lot of jewelry, and at that time my clothing that I designed and all that to make me look good, look glamorous like a model, so that they could sell more. They told me, whatever I wear sells quickly and more than usual. So, they kept making me wear this, wear that all the time.
I’m so small, and wore so many things. Jewelry, they’re heavy too. And whenever I went home after meeting or wearing for the public, I could not take all these things off quickly enough. I asked some of my helpers or whoever was nearby, “Please help me take this, I take that, you take this. Take them all off quickly.” Because I couldn’t bear anything on my body that much.
When I was younger, I was also like that. My mother gave me a lot of jewelry to wear on my ears, on my hands, on my neck, just in case, because we were in the war. (Yes, Master.) So, she said, “In case we get lost, cannot contact, then you sell this so you can survive.” But I did sell, not because to survive, but to treat my friends, my classmates and all that. I sold them stupidly because I didn’t know how much they cost. So, I sold them just like for whatever they said – I knew nothing. And my mother scolded me so much, and said, “Wah! That cost a lot, you can’t just sell it like that. It’s like 10% of it only! Oh, my God.” (Wow.) But then she gave me again, and told me, “Promise not to sell.” I said, “I promise not to sell.” But I didn’t say I promised not to sell all, so I did sell some again.
You know when you are young, you don’t know the value of these things. (Yes, Master.) And you don’t appreciate that your parents work so hard to earn money and to save for you and to look after you. And you have your friends – they love you, they like you, and you want to treat them nicely, and all that stuff. (Yes, Master.)
So now, the reason... after the war in Âu Lạc (Vietnam), many millions of people tried to escape by different routes, especially by sea. And many died, and then, even if they didn’t die, sometimes they were raped and robbed. Like, the pirates just tore the earrings from their ears and left their ears broken and bleeding. (Wow.) Or took jewelry from their hands and broke their wrists, for example. (Oh. Oh, my God.) Or raped the mother in front of the children, or the wife in front of the husband, and all that.
“‘Sea Of Memory – My Dad’s Boat Journey, 1979’ Aulacese (Vietnamese) Boat Refugee Documentary Film Produced by Nam Nguyen and Ryan Nguyen (2011), Nam Nguyen (m): We were repeatedly attacked by Thai pirates that afternoon and late into the evening. One after another, the pirates, who were fishermen wearing sarongs and carrying big knives, hammers or iron sticks, jumped from their boats to ours. The pirates shouted in a language I didn’t understand. Our boat was full of people, mostly elders, women and children. Young women and girls, panicky, put on multiple layers of clothes. They rubbed their face and hair with grease from the floor to make them look ugly. The pirates pointed knives and hammers to people’s chests or necks. They searched our bodies and tore up our clothes. They searched ears, noses, mouths, hair, and even private parts. They emptied oil and water containers. They even cut up rice bags to look for money and jewelry. They tossed all our belongings to their boats.”
I heard all their stories, because I was visiting them, and I was also working for a couple of refugee camps and for the Red Cross, and I knew all these stories. And it was really terrible for me, at that time. And then when they went to these refugee camps – of course, they were looked after but not all the refugee camps were the same.
“Excerpt from the documentary ‘UNTOLD Vietnamese Boat People Stories: Vietnam History’ (courtesy of Kyle Le Dot Net), Man: The Indonesian police learned a few Vietnamese words. When it was time, say 3 pm, they would go to each room and say, ‘Bathe, bathe.’ They announced it like that and everyone took their clothes off and sat down on the cement floor. They would walk by and hosed room one, room two, room three… After the first spray, our bodies were wet, so anyone with soap would wash and scrub themselves. And then in a little while, they would return and spray us down again to wash the soap off. Why were they so cruel to us? So that we would be scared, bored, and lose our minds so we would sign up to repatriate back to Vietnam.”
I went to some refugee camps, and they just treated them like dirt. They made them sit on the floor and the High Commissioner sat on a high chair, questioning them no end. For example, like that. And I felt very ashamed, too ashamed to be an Aulacese (Vietnamese) at that time. So, anybody who asked me that question, I tried to avoid the answer. I tried always to hide where I’m from. I was so ashamed, truly, so ashamed to be an Aulacese (Vietnamese) at that time. It took me long, long years after until I felt better. But to be honest with you, I still don’t feel that better. I still don’t feel completely good or proud to be an Aulacese (Vietnamese). (Yes. We understand, Master.)
So, that poor date guy, he just opened the wound again. Poor guy, he’s a good guy. You can see it when he was angry because I should have gone back to my husband. “I don’t care! He loves you! You love him. You must go back!” He really, really put all his heart into my situation. He felt my situation was unjustified. (Yes, Master.) Anyway, so, it’s OK. That’s it, I didn’t ever see him again.
And he said to me, “Whenever you need a good car for anything, you can just come here and drive one and return it to me. You don’t have to buy one.” (Oh, wow.) Even a Rolls-Royce or anything. (Wow.) He said, “Because you don’t drive a lot, so what for do you buy a car? (Yes, indeed.) You just come here, take any car you want… or here now, come, try this Lamborghini, try the Porsche, try the Rolls-Royce…” etc.
And the Rolls-Royce, I kind of liked, because it’s comfortable. And the stick shift is very smooth. And the car is very heavy, so when you drive, you feel very safe. But the Lamborghini, when I sat in it, I didn’t see anything in front of me anymore. I said to him, “How can I drive? I don’t even see the road!” And the same with the Porsche, almost. Because these kinds of cars, they make it for sport driving, for men. (Yes.) And the seat is very low. You can touch the road, almost. It feels that way. And I’m too short, when I sit in there, I’m lost! If you’re outside, maybe you don’t even see me inside the car, and I see nothing on the road at all. It’s so funny.
He said, “OK, any car you want, you can come and drive a day, two days, and return – you don’t have to buy.” Because I went there and tried to see which car I liked to buy. Anyway, that was a short, very short date. Not even a day, it was just a few hours in the evening.
Actually, afterward, we still went eating and he chose vegan food for me, and all that. Not too bad a boy. Not too bad. I told you, the people outside, they’re very nice to me, although I do nothing for them. I even yelled at him, and he still liked me.
So, I had this kind of inferiority complex within me, and the tiredness of repeating the same answer again and again and again. But that guy, it was not his fault, he just asked a normal question. It’s just I am not normal. I wasn’t in a normal situation. I wasn’t from a normal country. (Yes, Master. Understand, Master.) And then I felt very ashamed already. I tried so hard to hide my identity all the time, anytime I could. And anybody who asked me that question, I fell out with them, immediately. I went somewhere else, talked to somebody else who already knew me, and didn’t ask me that question again.
But these people ask because they’re interested, not because they’re racist. (Yes, Master.) I told you, if that guy was racist, he wouldn’t have invited me for a date. And he even offered me a free car anytime I want – any car. (Wow.) Even after the date was done already. (Understand. Yes.) It’s not like I promised him, “Today was not very… we will go out again.” No, no. I said, “I’m not ready, I think I’m not ready. Sorry.” He knew. He knew it.
That’s why he got mad when I didn’t go back to my ex-husband. Because he asked me, “Do You still love him?” I said, “Yes, I do.” “And was it a good marriage?” I said, “It was excellent, not just good! That’s why.” And he said, “Does he still love You?” I said, “Yes!” So, whatever his feelings, he asked me to go back to him, even though he already had a girlfriend.” That’s why he said, “I don’t care! Go!”
So, I said, “I cannot say I don’t care about the girlfriend’s feelings. I cannot hurt another person, and this time on purpose, not because of idealism, or going to find enlightenment and save the world and all that. Even though it might sound naïve, but that’s what I was. I was really trying to save the world. That’s why I left my husband, to go to find some solution, some enlightenment like the Buddha did. That’s what I thought. But now, I am already somehow enlightened, and how can I go back and break somebody else’s relationship and hurt somebody just to get my husband back?”
So afterward, he didn’t shout, “I don’t care” anymore. “Yeah, I understand but it’s a pity,” he said. “It’s a pity. Love is hard to find. Such love is hard to find.” I guess he was still heartbroken. His broken marriage left him heartbroken. (Yes, Master.)
