Scary, I’m telling you. Some people are just helpless. I’m just helpless sometimes. These kinds of people tire me out. It’s like a block in my mission. They are just there to cause trouble, to make trouble, to tire me out, to discourage me from seeing other people. Because if every day like this, if one resident after another, I’m really tired. I thought, “My God, I’ve been teaching for how many decades already, and you’ve been with me for so long, and you’re still like this? Then how can I teach anybody else?” You feel like discouraged. […]
Just in case you have any questions or anything you want to know, you can ask me. Yeah. (Can I ask a question, but a not happy question, a silly question. Is it OK?) As long as it’s spiritual. Don’t bring your relatives and friends here. Tell me. (Master, I’ve got a not happy question, a silly question. Is it OK?) I don’t know what kind of silly question. I am very anxious now. If it’s spiritual, it’s OK. (Yes, spiritual. Master, I’m so thankful for this opportunity to see You again and ask You a question. In my spiritual practice, I feel like I have something to solve to be free of my inner suffering. But I don’t know what it is. So, I have been turning around the same treadmill over and over again for many years. While I was practicing the Convenient Method, I didn’t keep the [vegan] diet strictly for one month, but I told a lie for the initiation that I kept it faithfully. And during initiation, I doubted and refused God unintentionally.)
Let me look at your question. (My question…) Bring it here. Bring your paper here, so I can read it better. Can I read it? Or is it a top secret? So, what is your question? What is your question? (My question is – please help me.) To do what? (To fight the inner suffering.) You fight your inner … You refused God, unintentionally or intentionally? (Not…) Not intentionally. Then why you came for initiation when you doubted, and you refused God? Why? (At the initiation time.) Yeah, but why? Do you still refuse God now? (I cannot concentrate at the meditation time.) Never concentrate? (Last time, last retreat, I asked a question.) You asked the same question. Right? (Yes.) Then why you come back again? Just to ask the same question again? (I feel I cannot solve the question on my…)
I cannot help you to concentrate. And I also cannot help you to accept God if you don’t want to. Take a (vegan) cake. Just concentrate here. That’s it. And when you cannot, then you cannot. And when you remember, then concentrate again. What is the problem, why you cannot concentrate? What do you think when you’re sitting? Boys? (No.) Girls? (No.) Then what, then? What do you think? Why you cannot concentrate? What do you think when you’re sitting? What are you thinking? (My mind doesn’t… not calm.) Then try to calm it. (Yes.) Just sit there. Don’t worry. (Thank You.)
Last time you asked the same question. This time you asked the same question. I cannot help you to concentrate for you. If you’d like a boyfriend, go look for one, then you’ll calm down. If you’re hungry, go eat. If you like girlfriends, look for a girl, and then calm down. Don’t… There are many reasons why you cannot concentrate. All of us here are just like that. You have just to try. Just have to try, again and again. Whenever you remember, then you concentrate again. When you forget, you think of other things, then what to do? Then just pull yourself back and put your attention here. That’s all there is. And recite the Five (Holy) Names, that keeps you also calm. I cannot help you if you refuse God. And I don’t know why you keep coming back. Next time, if you don’t progress, don’t come back. I don’t want the same question again.
We have a lot of garbage behind us. It’s lucky that we are initiated already, so a lot of garbage is already gone. So, some little garbage is left over, that we have to try to take care. Don’t sit there and if can’t concentrate, ask for miracles. Very difficult. I think you just want to… Do you recite the Five (Holy) Names when you meditate? (Yes.) Then just continue to do that. What do you see when you meditate? (I cannot see anything.) Is all black? (Yes.) Moving? Moving black, like a dark cloud? (Nothing.) What means nothing? So just… (No.) So, what do you hear when you meditate on the (inner Heavenly) Sound? Nothing. (No Sound.) No (inner Heavenly) Sound? (I cannot hear any Sound.) If you don’t hear, and you don’t see, I don’t know what are you doing when you meditate? Never mind. Continue. OK? And if you don’t feel like meditating, and if you don’t want to accept God, then maybe you just stop.
It’s your life. Don’t come back again and again, and ask the same question when you don’t want to trust in God. You don’t even trust God – even if you cannot hear, and you cannot see. But I’m not sure if you cannot hear. You just don’t know. There’s no noise when you do the meditation on the (inner Heavenly) Sound? (A noise.) (She said, “Yes.”) What kind of noise? Can you imitate it for me? How does it sound like? (Just “z-z-z.”) Like an insect? Or machine? (I cannot explain, sorry.) OK, never mind then. If you want, you can continue. OK? Continue to do the instruction during initiation. OK? Maybe you’re not understanding what initiation is. I don’t know what you are looking for. Can you go to your room now and meditate quietly. And later, when I come back, I’ll ask you what you hear, what you see. Go now. Go and do the Quan Yin (meditation on the inner Heavenly Sound) in your room. Try to listen very well what is during the Quan Yin. OK? And later answer me.
Many years, and don’t even improve. But there are many people like this, even in the group of residents. It tires me out. Whatever I told them, they don’t listen. Some of them don’t listen. And if I tell, “go right,” then he goes left. If I say, “go forward,” he goes backward. Something like that. A few days ago, a person drove my car. It’s a very good car, Japanese. And it had just been in the garage for one week for overall general check-up, and then went to the government for… You want to sit here, so you can see me? I don’t have to keep looking here. Are you OK? If you can sit a little bit in the front or in the back there, you can see me better. And the car had just been checked for one week in the garage. Everything (got a) check-up. And then went to the government for inspection. You know that, right? And everything was OK.
In the morning, she brought back the car. Afternoon, we were driving here. Just two hours or something on the highway, one of the tires broke down, just busted. And the car went like this, like this, like this. Because the highway is very fast, too. And the airbag just dropped from the side, not the front. For the driver, it dropped from the side. I don’t know; that car is like that. But it dropped and was flat. Not puffed up, it’s like a curtain. It didn’t obstruct her. And oh, it was scary, and I said to her, “Stop the car.” Have to. Because it can’t go like this; it will hit other cars or maybe fall into the… I said, “Stop the car.” She said, “No, I cannot. I have to move the curtain.” Still argued at that time! You understand me? Resident!
Scary, I’m telling you. Some people are just helpless. I’m just helpless sometimes. These kinds of people tire me out. It’s like a block in my mission. They are just there to cause trouble, to make trouble, to tire me out, to discourage me from seeing other people. Because if every day like this, if one resident after another, I’m really tired. I thought, “My God, I’ve been teaching for how many decades already, and you’ve been with me for so long, and you’re still like this? Then how can I teach anybody else?” You feel like discouraged. I tell them also. “You kind of people really make me feel discouraged, make me feel I don’t want to see anybody, other disciples.” I really sometimes have to make an effort to come see you because they really tire me out. They know everything; just want to get attention, just want to be a block in the road. So, anyway, I’m telling you like that.
