There was another doctor. […] So, one day, he was invited to come to a person who happened to shoot himself accidentally with an arrow while he was practicing archery. And he shot himself in his own leg. […] The arrow went deep inside and half stuck out and half was in the flesh. So the doctor came, took a knife, cut the outside half and then went home. And the patient, “Hey, hey, hey…!” […]
OK, perhaps the same bush doctor. One day, he was visited by a mother who had a very sick child. The child was with fever, very high fever. And then he gave him something, and the child also “went to see Amitabha Buddha” immediately afterward. So, the parents came and made trouble for this bush doctor. The doctor didn’t believe it and went back to the house of the child and verified it himself. So, he just took a look at the child who laid there, stiff and cold. And then he touched him, and he said, “What! How do you still blame me? You told me that the child needed some medicine for fever and he was very hot. Now he’s cold like this! My medicine worked, and you still blame me.”
And there was another doctor, perhaps in another place. Let’s not make too much bad name for one. OK? OK, suppose this one is another bush doctor in another province. He always boasted of his ability to cure any kind of sickness. So, one day, a very old person came suddenly to his house and asked him, “I thought, you always said that you are very good, and you are always very able to cure people. So how many patients have you healed already?” And the doctor said, “Ah! Whoever comes to me, I just cure him, no problem. Whoever comes, he’s cured, he’s healed.” And then the old person frowned his eyebrows together and said, “Ha! You have forgotten something.” The doctor said, “What?” The old man said, “Last time, you prescribed something for my grandson, and you promised us that ‘take this medicine for one year and then he will be cured.’ After he took it only for one month, he died already. So, you have forgotten. Or how do you explain this?” So, the bush doctor said, “Ah... tsk tsk tsk, you see, you see, you see. He’s a very stubborn patient. I told him to take for one year, and he took only for one month.” Why die so quickly, right? There was still eleven more months to come.
There was another doctor. Perhaps somewhere else. Good doctor, you can find anywhere. Because he was the one and only in that district, so people invited him anywhere. So, one day, he was invited to come to a person who happened to shoot himself accidentally with an arrow while he was practicing archery. And he shot himself in his own leg. I don’t know how they do it but... And then he went to the doctor, and the doctor... The arrow went deep inside and half stuck out and half was in the flesh. So the doctor came, took a knife, cut the outside half and then went home. And the patient, “Hey, hey, hey…! There’s another half inside.” So, the doctor shook his head and said, “No, for this, you have to find an internal doctor. I’m only for outside.” How you call this? How do you call the doctor who only takes care of the outside things? (General practitioner.) Ah, yes, yes. “I’m only a general doctor. You have to find an internist.” Internist? It’s cute... you have to go to two doctors.
OK. It was another doctor, perhaps somewhere else. Ah, don’t know how he prescribed the medicine, but after the patient took it, he went to see Saint Peter. He’s a Catholic! So he went to visit Saint Peter, never returned again. Anyhow. So of course, the family members didn’t like that and then came and sued him. But the doctor came and bowed to them and pleaded with them. Please be considerate, and don’t make trouble for him because even though he’s a doctor, he’s a bush doctor. He doesn’t have much money. He can’t afford to go to the court and anything like that. Even if they sued him, there’s nothing good for them, because he doesn’t have enough money to pay them anyhow. So whatever else they can do, just try their best. But just don’t take him to court and make trouble. OK. So after a while like this, the family members also felt very softened and felt sorry for the bush doctor. So, they said, “OK. Well, at least you come and carry the dead body to the grave and dig the grave and all that, and then take care of all the funeral service, then it’s alright. Then let’s call it even, and that’s the best already we can do for you. We already feel so much pity for you, so that’s OK.” So, the doctor said, “OK.”
So, on the day of burial, he, his wife and the son and the son’s wife carried the coffin, both sides, on the four sides. Carried, because in the old times, they didn’t have cars. So, they carried on their shoulders ‒ two persons in the front, two persons in the back. So, after they walked for a while, the doctor felt very, very tired. He was old and skinny. And he said, “Ah, I tell you what. To be a human being, never ever learn to be a medical person. To be a human being, never learn medicine.” So, his wife sighed and said, “Yeah. You learn medicine, you make the trouble and suffering for your wife and kids.” And the son added one sentence and said, “Oh my God! His head is very big, and you have the feet. It’s even better than me. I’m in the front. The head is very heavy. I nearly couldn’t walk anymore.” And so, the daughter-in-law, at last she said, “OK, father, next time you want to heal somebody, please pick a skinny one.”
OK, now. We go to another one. We don’t talk bad about doctors anymore. We talk bad about somebody else. There was a person. You know in Âu Lạc (Vietnam) or in China, they have a person like a priest in the Catholic Church to go to the funeral service and read prayers and things like that for the people, to pray for the people. People like that. But this person happened to be illiterate, so he didn’t know much about how to write many things. So, when he came in, he had to prepare a speech, to talk for the dead, and you have to insert the dead people’s names in it. Like, “Oh so-and-so, Mr. X, Mr. Epsilon have died today and please, all the Hosts of Heaven take him, and he has been a good boy,” or things like that.
So, anyhow, this person was illiterate and he couldn’t write down the name. And the dead person happened to be Mr. Round, you know “Round”? Yeah. Mr. William Round. So, he didn’t know how to write “Round.” So, he said, “Oh, never mind.” He just put a round shape, a zero shape in it and said, “William.” He could write “William,” he made phonetic [spelling] for himself ‒ “William” and “Round.” He put a circle in it, and so on. Because the other formula, he already learned by heart, so didn’t have to even know. He learned already. Even if he read the formula, he didn’t have to read it. But the name he had to insert it, just like when you go for initiation, you insert your name in the empty spot. But please don’t make a circle, if your name happens to be Round.
And many people in the village knew that this guy was not very well-educated. And it happened that this person was William Round. So anyhow, they saw him write the formula with a circle and they were laughing. So, they waited until he went in the bathroom or something and they just mischievously put a stripe? A stripe on it. (Slash?) A slash on it. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Put a slash next to the circle like this. You know what I mean? Oh, no, no. They do it like this. Like this. So, in Âu Lạc (Vietnam), there’re people who make the coconut. They cut the coconut and then put a handle on it, and drill the handle in between to get water out with it, from the bucket. Like a… what in English? (Scoop. A scoop.) A scoop. (Like a big ladle.) Big scoop. (Ladle.) Ladle. OK. So, it looked like a ladle.
So, when the priest, country priest, came back, he read it, “Today, the 10th of April 1996, all Heaven and Earth hear me. There was a good person, namely Mr. William Ladle…” Because now [when] he looked, it was like a ladle. So, people stopped him. They couldn’t stop laughing, because they knew what they did and said, “Hey! His name is Round, not Ladle. Why do you read the wrong name?” He said, “Huh? Then who was the Cupid that put the handle over here?” OK, OK. You understood, huh? Make sure you don’t write a circle, or people will put a handle on it.
Photo Caption: Little Stone Cave, Can B a Sweet Home!
