That’s why sometimes I am away on some very high mountain somewhere or in a remote area. There’s no internet connection. And the phone, you have to walk down the mountain in order to call. So sometimes I have a conference with you without internet, without camera, anything. It seems like… I told you it’s a little bit not high-tech where I live. And you think I was sad? No. I was so happy! Because I have a good excuse not to show my nose to everybody. […]
OK. There you are. Yeah. Good. (I’ll take Your plate, Master?) OK. You pick it. Not this... Thank you. I can do it myself. Come here. Ladies first. Come. (Thank You, Master.) (Thank You, Master.) You’re welcome. (Thank You, Master.) There you are. And now, the first comes last. Enjoy while it’s still steaming hot. It’s nice. Be careful. OK. One more. Some more are coming. Don’t worry. OK? Some more are coming. Don’t worry. Please eat slowly. We don’t have an ambulance around here. Also, the kitchen cannot provide it quickly enough. We have customers outside. You saw that, right? (Yes.) Is it good? (Yes, Master.) I like the… (Pardon me.) Yeah. Pass on. Pass on. Some more (vegan) fried rice is coming. I love this fried rice. Kitchen, fried rice’s very good. You take some more and then pass on. Take as much as you like and pass on. (OK.) Take more. (OK.) I do it. (Thank You, Master.) Here. Come. And pass it on to the ones who don’t have. (Thank You, Master.) You have to be practical. We have a lot of people. (Yes, Master.) Yes, sir. No, sir. Aye, aye.
Actually, at home, I don’t cook this – broccoli or anything. You know, right? (Yes.) Yeah. Today I am breaking my own precept. But we thank the plants and all involved for this wonderful food. (Yes.) I don’t see anybody eating. On this side also. This side also. No. You (cameraman) have to go from the other side. You just wait there like a cat. Ambushing. Whenever they open their mouth, putting the food in, then you record. It doesn’t matter, really. It doesn’t matter whether they open their mouth, put the food in or not. You know why? Because they saw the camera, they already know any time it can happen. So they’re already very, very nervous. I just want you to have a taste of what it’s like to be me!
Every time, all the way, all the time, camera! In my bathroom, I have to close the window even in hot weather. (Oh.) Even daytime, even in my own place, my own home. Not at the Center even. I always have to close the bathroom door, the toilet window, everything. And turn on the light – at noon. (Wow.) Because I’m scared anybody just passes by any time pretending not to understand, or pretending that, oh, they have something to do there. It happened before, all the time. So, I always have to close the windows, even when it’s so hot. And turn on the light inside, even if it’s daytime. Understand? (Yes. Yes, Master.) So, all the gates are locked because I don’t want people to run around to the backyard and look into my toilet. Not because there’s anything there to steal. The only thing valuable is me. They are not after anything. They’re just after me. Understand? (Yes, Master.) It’s really like that. So give them some taste (of the camera), plenty of it. (Now, every time we look at You in the video camera, we will have a different impression.) Yeah, yeah. Have a different thinking.
That’s why sometimes I am away on some very high mountain somewhere or in a remote area. There’s no internet connection. And the phone, you have to walk down the mountain in order to call. So sometimes I have a conference with you without internet, without camera, anything. It seems like… I told you it’s a little bit not high-tech where I live. And you think I was sad? No. I was so happy! Because I have a good excuse not to show my nose to everybody. Understand? (Yes, Master.) Or not to clean my salad in front of all the cameras from the teeth or blow my nose. The happiest time when I answer your questions is when I have no camera, no internet, nothing, just a stupid little phone. Just a very simple phone. I don’t even have a cover because I lost it somewhere. Maybe the dog(-people) “ate” it already. A very simple phone. This is all I have, not even iPad, iPhone, “iNothing.” Only I. “iMaster.”
OK. Thank you. Don’t eat too much, there’s some more coming. Yum-yum. Piping hot. (Thank You, Master.) (Thank You, Master.) Come on, piping hot. (Thank You.) (Thank You, Master.) There you are, guys, girls. Sorry, just symbolic. You’ll get more later, OK? (Thank You.) You take some more and pass it on to them (Yes, Master.) because they haven’t done over there yet. Want some more? No. Oh, I’ll have one just to try. (Master, [Vegan] Pasta Genovese.) Just to try. OK, thank you. Go. Oh, it’s hot. What is it called, this one here? ([Vegan] Pasta Genovese.) Genovese Pastato. Bonito (Good). Thank you. The (Vegan) Kung Pao, why it’s not hot? (It’s not hot?) No. (OK.) Kung Pao is supposed to be hot. It’s too late. We eat already. You help yourself. That’s mine, right? (Yes. Green beans.) Oh. I normally don’t eat beans at home. Good, good. OK. Exception. You know we don’t have beans at home. Right? You know. Maybe this kind, I don’t know… There’s one kind, OK. Other kinds, not.
You have to use… Oh, you don’t have. Then use this, otherwise it takes too long. Together. (Yes, Master. Yes.) OK, let me show you. If you have a fork, should be like this. Otherwise, it doesn’t go in the spoon. Come on. Here. You see how much I get? (Thank You, Master.) There you are. Yeah, and go. (This Master’s knife?) Give them this clean fork so that they can do it. You know how? No. It’s not my problem anymore because you’re far away. Tastes good? (Yes, Master.) Indonesia? (Me?) You’re not, huh? (I stayed in Indonesia.) Still there? Or in America now? (America, LA [Los Angeles]. Before, I grew up there.) Understand. Wow. Look at the animal-person, the giraffe. How they are endowed with such a long nose! Must be very “nosy” indeed. If I had that neck, then we don’t have to have camera or high chair or anything. I just float on top of the crowd. Everybody recognizes immediately, “Ah, here She comes, the long One!” “Long live!” Then I can spot the maya from a thousand miles away. “Oh! Here comes the horned one.”
Wow, look at that. It’s very good. (Do You want more?) You tell the kitchen it’s good, it’s very good. Really, it’s very good. It’s good? (Yes, Master.) No, no, no, for everybody. You take, you take. I’m done with this. Take some. I taught you already. You don’t have? (I don’t have a clean fork, Master. Sorry.) Don’t have. Then you use a knife. You slash it down. (Yes.) Or the spoon even. Yeah. Put it in; the other plate goes in like that, and then you can scrape as many as you want, and it’s fast. (Yes, Master.) If not, then go, go. It’s good, everyone? (Very good.)
You have to learn a couple of French words, man. Everybody’s so quiet, busy eating. Camera is on. You know? (Loving Hut is number 1.) I asked you if it’s good. (Yes.) Is it good? (It’s very good. Delicious.) Say, “It’s good, madam.” (Yes.) (Yes, Madam.) In France, they’re very polite. The French people, they also say, “Yes, sir. Yes, ma’am.” Just like in America, they say, “Yes, ma’am.” Yeah? “Yes, ma’am.” Oh. Something here? Camera off! Gone? Oh, man! What an ’assle (hassle)! What an ’assle to eat! No, that’s the French people. They don’t pronounce the H. So somebody comes to my hotel and says, “Ah! It’s an ’assle to get to Your ’otel.” It’s a hassle. But they pronounce it like ’assle: “It’s an ’assle.” “It’s an ’assle to get to Your ’otel, Madam.”
Photo Caption: A Star Can Be Born on Earth
