They connected all kinds of machines all over my body, and because of that, they didn’t allow the room to be warm. I don’t know why. The room was so cold and that made my pain worse. And they didn’t give me painkillers. But the painkiller, even if they give, they cannot give too much in my situation. […] Because of the cold, it’s very terrible, very terrible. It not just makes you in pain; it makes you restless. And I was supposed to stay still, I should not move.
Because they connected all kinds of machines all over my body, and because of that, they didn’t allow the room to be warm. I don’t know why. The room was so cold and that made my pain worse. And they didn’t give me painkillers. But the painkiller, even if they give, they cannot give too much in my situation. And the room was so cold, I sneaked in some warm bag, and they just took it away. They said, “Cannot do this; it’s too dangerous.” They worried the blood would boil over or something and the wound burst or something. Because of the cold, it’s very terrible, very terrible. It not just makes you in pain; it makes you restless. And I was supposed to stay still, I should not move. And how do you keep yourself still when you feel like you want to jump out of the window and run all over because it’s like ants all over your body, and something inside you keeps pushing you? That was the worst time of my life ever.
(But what was wrong with You, Master?) I cannot tell you. Secret. I got an infection from one of your sisters. One of the rare diseases. Transmitted by talking, by being near, mouth, I mean saliva stuff. I’m OK now. I mean, I’m really OK now after all this time. I still have pain sometimes, but I know I’m OK. And my health is good. Before, I thought like it’s forever, I’d probably never get well. It seemed like that. Even if you take medicine, it (the pain) seems like forever. This was a very difficult disease. Rare. OK, never mind, that’s enough. I don’t want to tell you.
Even at one time, I asked you guys to wear masks. Even then, I knew it, but it was still unavoidable. Somehow it sneaked in, into my life. At home. Avoidable here, but I can’t avoid it at home sometimes. They just do it, just like that. I don’t want to mention from whom either. I don’t want to mention what. It’s good enough that you know like that.
It was a terrible time to try to hide your ID and have to stay in the hospital to know what’s wrong with you, and then to have an operation, and you can’t run anywhere. If I run, I have to go to another hospital, and another hospital doesn’t have that equipment in that area. For some special equipment, you have to go to some special place. And in that area, it will be the same, the same ID problem. So every day I was just thinking, “Maybe this is my last day. Maybe the police will bust in anytime now, any minute now. I’m just waiting for it. I just, whatever happens. What can I do?”
Just somehow, I was protected, and I’m fine. They (hospital staff) yelled at me, screamed at me, but they didn’t do much. And until the last day, when I went in to pay the money, then the woman, the secretary at the reception, yelled at me again. I said, “I’ve just come to pay.” “But You have to give me the passport!” And I said, “Why? I don’t have it here. Please, I just want to pay.” And then she started yelling at me again. “Before You looked different, now You look different.” She said a lot of things, I didn’t even understand her language so well. But I know she was yelling, that’s for sure. It was very loud, everybody heard it. So the chief of the administration – I guessed he’s the chief – somehow heard her. Everybody would hear it from miles away, she was so loud. And what could I do, I was just, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I really am sorry. Please forgive me, I just want to pay and then go.” But she kept yelling nonstop. She wouldn’t accept money even. She just said, “I want Your passport.” And then she got somebody, translating into English and French, and whatever, telling me, “Passport right now!”
And then the chief called her in somehow, and she took me and the driver in, as well. I don’t know what the chief said to her, but one look at me and he was saying something to her. And then she came out, her attitude changed 180 degrees. She was just smiling at me and said, “When are You going back to England?” Why? No more passport, nothing! And then she even accepted my gift afterward. Before, she was thinking I’m a criminal. Because when I go somewhere, I always bring a little gift. And she didn’t want it even. She was kind of… Oh, she was yelling so loud. Ah, I didn’t know what to do, I just kept saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” And I was so pained, so sick, I was bandaged everywhere, and still she was yelling at me. I guess the chief took one look at me and was feeling so sorry for the “little girl.” My driver, he’s about five, six feet (~1.8 meters) something high. And I’m very small, and he’s tough and strong. And I’m little compared to him. And probably he took a good look at me, and he felt, “Such a sorry woman” – bandaged everywhere, I couldn’t even talk well, and the stomach, everywhere, and couldn’t even walk, and then got yelled at like that.
So he said something to her, and she took me out and immediately she changed. I was so surprised, and relieved, of course. I didn’t know what he told her. Probably he said, “Well, just take Her money, that’s all you need. All we need is money, right? To pay for the staff and medicine, doctors.” That’s all they need. What the heck do they need my passport for? And the worst would be if they don’t take the money, I would just run away. So he said, “Just take Her money.” Maybe it was like that. “Before She runs away!” Well, if it was somebody else, they would have pretended to be angry or get angry or scared and then go away and don’t ever come back again. But I was just too good. I even came back again to make sure that everything was paid, because after that there were some more visits, follow-up. And the scan; sometimes the scan is very expensive. They call it something, some T-Scan, or something? (CAT scan?) Not CAT scan. (CT.) CT scan, scanning the whole body. And you have to stay still. And first, they put some blue things in your body. A blue medicine, something, so that they can see well. And you have to drink a little water first. And I could not even climb on there. They were so rough; they just push you in there. They don’t understand your pain. They didn’t know that I had so much pain. They could not understand.
Also, because the doctor gave the wrong medicine, therefore, it didn’t help me at all, so the pain continued. And they took me from one room to another, all kinds of scans, all kinds of tests always. And then put me on a bed here, bed there, and I could hardly... I’d rather die. I’d rather die because it was so painful. And because they didn’t know what was wrong with me yet, so they could not just keep giving too much of anything. Just give antibiotics and painkillers, but it didn’t help in that situation, it just made it worse. It stiffened my body more and then... It was terrible; I couldn’t even eat or anything. And the worst thing was that I was worried about the ID. I was really protected because I was lying so long in the hospital... Of course, they changed to another two or three hospitals, but still, you lay for at least many weeks in the hospital, and still I worried.
OK. Let’s meditate or I will have to go home. Any more questions, stories, to keep me alive here? Later, love. Yes, tell me. (I want to thank You first, Master, for inviting us [despite] all the…) Inviting you? Did I write an inviting letter? (Of course, I applied, but… [Despite] all the risks and the dangerous situations.) You, in a dangerous situation? (I mean, You…) Ah. (Yes, You have to come…) I’m used to it. (Thank You so much.) I don’t mind dangerous situations if I can come see you. Sometimes I can’t; that’s the problem. Not the problem of danger, it’s the problem of cannot. You’re welcome. (Yes, thank You.)
(I hope it’s fun. I adopted a cat[-person] recently, and I rescued him a while ago with some other sisters. And I couldn’t adopt him right away, so I was looking for others to adopt him, but no one showed up, no one was available.) And then? (So he was kind of depressed.) So what happened now? Just come right to the end, did you adopt him? (Yes, I did.) OK, good. I was scared that you threw him out. (Sorry. And since I wanted him to be happier, I named him Happy after Your dog[-person], and he started eating a lot.) Yeah? (Yes, like Your dog[-person].) He’s happy! (Yes.) Is he fat? (Yes, a lot.) Did the doctor say he’s fat? (Yes, he said, sort of he’s healthy.) He’s healthy, then it’s fine. It doesn’t matter if he’s fat.
(But later I found out all the other cats who are named Happy, they all eat a lot.) Yeah? (Yes.) Of course they do, like my dog-people. (Yes.) Especially Happy, she eats a lot, and the doctor said, “Go on a diet.” Fine, I put her on a diet, but after the diet, she eats more. Then it is all the same. Or she goes and takes the food from other dog-people, when I’m not looking. Or she goes out and eats nonsense, and I’m worried even more. So lately, the doctor found out that she has a thyroid problem, and that’s why she’s fat, not just the food. So gave her medicine, and she’s very… model-like now. But still eats a lot. (Yes.) Anything I eat, she likes to eat, even if it’s no good for her. I say, “No good for you. Please. Not because I don’t want to give you but it’s not too good.” She says, “Never mind. Good for You, good for me.” So – eats. Sometimes I feel sorry for her also, because all she has is food. She has no boyfriend, nothing anymore, and she’s old now, I never know when she goes, you see? So, it’s a short life, if she enjoys it, why not? She enjoys it, as long as she’s in a dog-person’s life, I want her to enjoy. Enjoy also, not just always discipline and not this, not that, and...
Dog-people’s lives are already so limited, and because they live with me, sometimes… I like to be clean, so we have to clean them many times. Whenever they go out, we clean them so that they can come in, inside the house. (Yes.) Because they’d be all over on my bed, my sofa, everywhere, and printing everywhere, paws, if we don’t clean. Flowers of paws, flowers everywhere. So, we clean them, also for health’s sake. They don’t always like that, of course. It’s a kind of hassle, a little bit – to lift your legs up, clean four times. But I devised a new system. I told the attendant, “Don’t mess with it too much.” Because originally, when there are a lot of assistants it’s also OK, but when only one, then I tell you, don’t bother too much, just clean them once with vinegar. And then with water again if you can; if too busy, don’t bother. As long as it’s vinegar, it’s fine. Or use vinegar for one or two days only, not every day. Other days, just water, so they’re clean. And now we just do like this. Of course, they have to wash the dog-people’s paws when they come in because of mud. (Yes.) Otherwise, they will print their paws everywhere, and we can’t keep washing. Also for environmental protection – if keep washing, there’s a lot of detergent everywhere. And water is also precious. So because of that, we clean the dog[-people]. Because if we don’t clean the dog[-people], then we have to wash the sheets all the time.
